the downs and Up of pregnancy.

pregnancy.

its something that is so important, yet so completely and utterly disgusting.

for weeks you vomit. for no reason. sometimes after a meal. sometimes when you wake up. sometimes when you smell a food. sometimes when you see a food. sometimes when you lay down. when you sit up. when you stand. when you recline. when you talk. move. sleep. wake. you THROW UP.

but then you go to the doctor and you hear the heartbeat. and you smile. and suddenly you forget everything that sucks.

until you get in the car and the drive home makes you VOMIT.

then that passes.

and then you CANT POOP.

you try and try and you cant.

you drink juice and nothing happens.

you sit there and nothing happens.

you eat fruit and metamucil by the lb and nothing happens.

no poop.

then comes the gas. you pass and pass and pass and still, YOU NO POO!

then you go to the doctor, you see your baby on the screen and the doctor tells you the gender. suddenly you become even more connected to the baby. it comes with a name and a personality! it gets a PRONOUN!

its incredible and it makes you SO happy.

(even though you have about 5 additional pounds of fecal waste that has YET TO VOID ITSELF.)

then comes the real fun.

you fart. you ache. you pain. you swell.

your ankles disappear, retreating into your feet like a turtle head.

your legs get stretch marks. your thighs get stretch marks. you get stretch marks on your butt, your hips, your stomach, your pelvis, your boobs.

your belly button starts to harden...and you wonder which way it will go.

and if youre really lucky? your boobs leak. like little bulls-eyes of liquid on your shirts at inappropriate times.

you waddle to and fro. you moan when you roll over. you hyperventilate trying to catch your breath after walking up the 4 steps to the doorway of your house.

your socks begin to leave a rash on the artists formerly known as your ankles.

your shoes dont fit.

your jeans suddenly get elastic.

you start wearing dresses out of necessity not fashion.

you begin to notice you use so much deodorant that you may as well invest in Secret.

at this point youre well into the third trimester. Top of the 9th inning. youve got maybe 4-6 weeks to go and suddenly the fun really starts.

people say all the time "you havent POPPED yet?" or "when IS that baby coming?" or "you are getting SO big!" as if all of these are fun to hear.

and then you start to have really great conversations with your doctor.

Discharge. and then you must describe it. watery, mucusy, clear or white. scented or unscented.

Mucus Plug. *shudder*

Bloody Show.

Hemorrhoids.

everywhere you turn there are nasty terms. nasty side effects. nasty symptoms. nasty-ness.

you start feeling new pains and aches and wondering "what does it all mean?"

and then after 3 weeks of thinking "this is it" your baby will arrive, after having cried wolf so many times, you dont even believe its real labor until youre screaming for an epidural to get close to you and everyone else to get away. either that or your water breaks. you actually begin to hope your water breaks.

if it does? you look down at the puddle around you and think "shoot, now what? i didnt think this thing through." while it will likely happen at home in bed or well into established labor, if youre really lucky? it happens in public.

then your body takes you to a new place. a place you cant explain. a place of unbelievable pain and suffering that by logic should onlky take 5 minutes since youve been building up to this discomfort for up to 42 weeks (did you ever to the math to figure that its 10 months?! not 9? and no one prefaces conception by saying...now this MAY go to 42 weeks....). nope it will take anywhere from 12-30 hours for a normal labor...and the pushing that trakes 10 minutes in movies? can take anywhere from 1-4 hours in a new mother.

you rip.

you burn.

you cry.

you scream.

or if you got the epic spine shot, you feel nothing in your legs and you pee and poo on yourself.

but then...you see that baby. and its incredible.

and 4 months later you wanna do it all over again.

because youre naive and silly. :)

sigh.

okay. these words were spoken from a 37 week pregnant female.

ill check back with my true feelings when NOT in prodromal labor for the 5th day :)

love you baby girl.

5 years ago?

how fortunate i am to be able to say i am EXACTLY where i hoped i would be. 5 years ago if you would have asked me "oh, May, where do you want to be in 5 years?" I would have said, "standing beside a wonderful man, staying close to my siblings, and being a mother while working towards pursuing education and a career."

coincidentaly...my life has taken me exactly there.

granted there was a lot of b.s. along the way. but my life is as i want it.

never lose sight of the end result. 5 years from now? still with that wonderful man, with my wonderful children, with education under my belt, and a LOT of smiles in my heart and a lot of sacrifice for others on my sleeve. :] what about you? did YOU accomplish what you hoped?

Peeing on Sticks...

here i am, smack dab in the middle of trying to teach my son to pee on the toilet, and i am peeing on sticks; capturing urine for scientific analysis that happens in two minutes.

those commercials of women pacing with the urine soaked stick on the counter are false.

in reality, regardless of the nature of your trying to concieve or lack there of, you sit, pants around ankles, unknowingly holding your breath, and you watch. watch as the peepee makes its way across the little window, and wait...is that the first line? or the second? is that a real line? is it my imagination?

our minds play tricks on us as we watch, imagining for a split second what we do, or do not, want to see appear.

in my case, though i wanted so much for that little line to appear, it left me paralyzed, standing as if that would show my urgency to the first response life changer in my hands. i stood there, pants and underthings around my ankles, belly hanging every which way, still not quite in tact from the first set of lines i saw 3 years ago. and i waited.

and then i took another test...same expectation, this time sitting bare bottomed on the bathtub.

then a few hours later another...

thats right...i dont believe it the first time.

but it didnt lie. it delivered what it promised.

and in about 9 months, i will deliver what was promised to me.

please keep me in your thoughts for a smooth pregnancy.

this little firefly is so beautiful to me.

we have urine, people. we.have.urine.

i must start by saying i do not love when people post on fb or myspace or twitter about their childrens urinating habits and slash or abilities. but this is my blog, and if youre here, youre entering my world :] welcome. its messy and gross and liekly tmi at some points.

i find potty training to be a personal thing, and its often very emotional and difficult for children.

i know that its taken 3 different attempts to realize that my son is completely physically prepared, but not emotionally by any means.

he cries when he is asked to "sit on the potty" even though he can tell us before he has to go.

hes a smart little bug too. i asked if he had to go to the bathroom prior to bathtime. his response "nah, maybe after the baff mahmee."

after the bath i suggested it againa nd you could his heart visibly sink in his face as if to say "ah man, she remembered...crap."

he sat. and within seconds was going to the bathroom. and im talking more than a woman in her third trimester.

i always make a big deal about it to build his confidence and boost pride, and i gave him the obligatory chocolate milk reserved for going potty without too much fuss.

it was me that felt the emotional excitement.

i realized that no matter how i do at work, what kind of day i have, how may sales i make, or if i meet my goals or even exceed, that nothing outside of my home makes me feel as good as seeing my son pee on the toilet.

honestly i hope when he is 16 years old hogging the bathroom as much as his daddy does, that i can walk past the door and smile remembering the days of me sitting on the floor with flash cards and a smile, hair in a sloppy pony tail, playing dinosaurs and dora, the days of giving in and buying the purple and pink dora seat for my son, making potty games, unshowered and unkempt.

its times like this that it occurs to me this isnt a dream, and holy crap...im a mom.

awesome.

Febrile Seizures....

i recently submitted this story to an online parenting site, heres hoping for publication and awareness!

When my son was about 16 months old he came down with a pretty nasty virus. I had called the advice nurse who had asked the usual questions, suggested tylenol and told me as long as he was acting normal, he was likely just fighting off the bug. His fever was intermittent, and hovered around 102. Night three i called the doctor again and was told to report back in the morning and we could bring him in if he wasnt doing better. We went to bed, and i let him sleep in our room with me so we could keep an eye on him.
i awoke around 1030 to a crying Jude, and within 30 seconds of us being awake he began to shake, rhythmic movements on one side of his body. his eyes glazed over, in a fixed position and his little right arm and leg and head jerked softly. my poor baby was having a seizure. Id like to say i maintained composure, knowing that it was from his fever spiking, but i bawled like a baby screaming for someone to call 911.
it lasted the longest 45 seconds of my entire life, and after he stopped jerking his eyes rolled back into his head and he didnt move. it wasnt long before i noticed his lips starting to change color. i grabbed him, feelin his body limp in my arms. i rushed downstairs and ran to fridge, where i had posted an article from a magazine with first aid tips for young children. I lay him flat and breathed into his burning little body, one, two, three. It felt like forever until i heard his little moan. it was wonderful; just like the first time i heard him cry when he was born.
i rolled him on his side as the paramedics came. They gave me the run down of the event: the seizure was caused by a rapid spike in the fever; he likely had gone up a few degrees in just a few minutes. Febrile seizures arent a real threat if the fever is treated and its more common than most parents may know, and doesnt even require a trip to the emergency room in most cases, just a call to the pediatrician and a followup. Its actually pretty uncommon for them to stop breathing. He likely wouldnt have another; it's only a 20% chance that a child who has one will have another before age 5.
he was taken to the hospital to be observed and to get the fever down.
its been 14 months since that day and my son is a happy two and a half year old boy who hasnt had a problem since. we make sure we keep track of any virus or fever he gets, and let his doctor know. I try not to let my mind wander to what could have happened if i had put him in his nursery like i usually did, or if i hadnt taken those first aid tips from that article.
It also had me reevaluating my reaction in the case of an emergency. I took a first aid class which left me way more comfortable in an emergency than reading directions off of a piece of paper and i encourage every parent to do the same. American Red Cross offers classes, and if you get a group of people together you can even have a personal class and split the cost!
Read up on your first aid, educate yourself, find a pediatrician that you trust, and trust your motherly (and fatherly) instincts.
having situations like these may not be preventable, but you can be prepared. it's my hope though that you'll never need to use it.

Domestic Partnership.

im going to be WAY blunt and im sorry. i may edit this later to be less...harsh?

my love and i have not set a date for our wedding. i dont think we plan to.

i dont want to get married unless all others can. But also, its not fair to me that my love and i cant have a nationwide recognized domestic partnership, in support of those who cant be legally married. why cant straight couples get partnered? treat us all the same, because you know what? relationship preference and sexual orientation makes no one better or worse than the other. however ignorance does.

if i could get a domestic partnership where it would be recognized for healthcare, insurance, taxes and whathaveyou, i would do it. my love is no better because im straight and in a monogamous relationship than someone elses. and i would forego a traditional marriage for a domestic partnership to show my love and support of acceptance.

heres my logic, and i apologize if my words are skewed but im writing in confusion and pain.

Love is beautiful.

another persons love doesnt affect my life.

my love affects my life. my love affects my family.

and i would be torn apart if someone looked at my pure love with him as anythign other than beautiful and tore it apart, or forbade us from happiness and acceptance.

i love you guys and gals, and all that you do and choose.

Love is Love is Love.

for a little bit o laughter.

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/misspelling